[C] Smoke on the Wind

[Lightningstar]

Title: Smoke on the Wind
Author: Lightningstar
Pairing: SmokefootxTawnypelt
Summary: Tawnypelt has had kits with Rowanclaw, but does she really love him?
Editor: N/A
Cover: N/A

First Notes: I am a fan of SmokexTawny, because Dark River made Rowanclaw sound like a jerk...
Last Notes: So, apparently, Rowanclaw is a good, loving mate and all... psh. =P Enjoy the story anyway.

-x-x-x-

Tawnypelt was feeling uneasy that morning. Something just didn't feel right to her as she looked at her kits. The pretty tortoiseshell gazed out of the nursery, her amber eyes settling on Rowanclaw. His chest was thrust out in pride as he commented to Oakfur about 'his' kits. I played a part in this, too! Tawnypelt thought angrily. Sometimes she wondered why she had ever had kits with Rowanclaw.

Dawnkit began to cry out, but Tawnypelt swept her closer with one swipe of her tail. "Hush, little one," she purred, licking the she-kit comfortingly. It saddened her to know that she had three kits that she loved so much, yet her mate seemed undesirable to her now. All he cared about was the kit's existence- he didn't care for her at all.

"Tawnypelt, are you all right?" a voice mewed. Tawnypelt shifted her position to see Smokefoot peering in the nursery from outside. "You seem a little bit… uneasy."

"I'm fine, Smokefoot," Tawnypelt assured him. She remembered how she had had such great times with Smokefoot when he was an apprentice, and how she had always admired his strength and loyalty.

Smokefoot nodded. "Alright, then," he purred. He smiled briefly at her and then padded across camp.

Tawnypelt had the sudden desire to leap up and follow Smokefoot across camp, but she only looked down at her kits. Too bad there aren't any other queens in the nursery, she thought forlornly.

Tallpoppy entered the nursery just after Smokefoot left. "Are you all right in here, Tawnypelt?" she asked cautiously.

"Can you watch my kits for a moment?" asked Tawnypelt, rising from her nest. Dawnkit, Flamekit, and Tigerkit squealed helplessly, squirming and drawing themselves closer to their mother's warmth.

"Sure," Tallpoppy mewed, settling down next to the kits. "I'll watch them for a while." She gazed down at them proudly, as if they were her own. "They're so beautiful," she commented lightly.

Tawnypelt nodded appreciatively towards the long-legged she-cat and bounced across the clearing towards where Smokefoot was standing. "Smokefoot!" she cried, skidding up to him.

"What is it?" Smokefoot questioned. His ears pricked as he waited patiently for a reply.

"I was wondering if you'd like to… go for a walk." Tawnypelt shuffled her paws. "I need some fresh air."

"Alright, then," Smokefoot purred. As the two cats left camp, Tawnypelt felt Rowanclaw's eyes boring into her from behind. She knew that her mate probably didn't approve of her taking a walk with Smokefoot, but she didn't care anymore.

Tawnypelt smiled as she felt a fresh pad of pine needles beneath her feet. They made great bedding, and they smelled really good; pine was actually used by the medicine cats to clear up colds. The tortoiseshell instantly relaxed, and by the way Smokefoot sighed happily, he was relaxed too.

"It's a beautiful day, isn't it?" he asked, glancing up into the canopy of pines.

"Uh-huh," Tawnypelt purred. She stretched out her muscles in a patch of sunlight. "I haven't been outside camp much, since I had my kits."

Smokefoot nodded curtly. "Your kits are very lucky," he told Tawnypelt. "They have a great mother."

At least he didn't mention Rowanclaw, thought Tawnypelt gratefully. "Thank you," she mewed. "I'm glad they'll grow up just like me. I don't want them to be like Blackstar or Russetfur." Her lip curled in disgust. "I want them to be wise and caring, yet strong in battle. I would like nothing better to take pride in my kits' names."

"Any other queen would think the same," replied Smokefoot. He stared at Tawnypelt. "As for Rowanclaw, what does he think about all this?"

Tawnypelt lashed her tail. "He doesn't care about me at all," she snarled. "I don't think he loves me anymore, if he ever did."

Smokefoot looked surprised. "If he never loved you, why did you have his kits?"

"I wish I knew," Tawnypelt sighed. "I guess I just saw him as reliable and strong, and I decided I loved him. He didn't argue when I told him; he obviously just wanted to have kits."

"Well, that's not very fair," Smokefoot meowed. "It's not fair to you or the kits."

Tawnypelt smiled. At last, someone who shared her feelings! "I agree," she purred. "I don't love Rowanclaw, and I no longer see my kits as his. They are my kits through and through."

"I wish…" Smokefoot started to talk, but then shook his head.

"What do you wish?" Tawnypelt asked him.

Smokefoot smiled shyly. "I wish they could have been mine."

Tawnypelt gazed back at Smokefoot, her eyes glittering with surprise. At last, they softened as she pressed against him, purring with delight.

"I had wished so, too."

-x-x-x-

"But Tawnypelt, these are my kits!"

The tortoiseshell just shook her head. "That may be," she snarled, "but when I have kits again, they're going to be Smokefoot's."

"Smokefoot?" Rowanclaw demanded. "That sniveling piece of foxdung?"

"I don't see why you would care so much," snapped Tawnypelt hotly, "considering you never cared to begin with." Then she turned around and stalked across the clearing, leaving the past behind her.

[Mysteryfaith]

Plot: 10/10
Great plot! It's really original - never seen a RowanxTawnyxSmoke fanfic before, and as the first of its kind this one is exceptionally well-plotted :3

Readability: 10/10
Very smooth indeed - it really feels as if you're a natural writer, that can settle comfortably into writing in several different genres without trouble.

Characters: 9/10
I thought the characters were portrayed very well - especially Smokefoot. I only deducted one point because it's impossible to get another writers' characters' personalites spot on, right?

Description: 8/10
It was more dialogue than actual description of the scenery, but you described the characters' emotions very clearly, a very valuable and poignant trait.

Originality: 9/10
In terms of a fanfic, I think it was very original (as I said before, one of a kind.) Nice original plot as well.

Overall: 92%
I really liked this piece of work - well done, Lightning! I don't think there's anything you can improve on now - fantastic fanfic! ^^ Would definitely like to see more of this kind of thing from chu

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[Mysteryfaith]

Accepted and moved into the accepted board! =3